Recently I was having a conversation about all the different paths life leads us down.
We were talking about how sometimes a path can feel completely wrong while you’re on it, only to realize later that it was preparing you for something you didn’t even know you would need.
That thought continued circulating in my head.
How much of life only makes sense looking backwards. How many things we were once so sure about eventually became something completely different. And how maybe the paths we take and the people we become along the way aren’t supposed to make perfect sense while we’re living them.
That somehow led me to something else I’ve been thinking about lately—the strange feeling of having so many different versions of yourself that don’t always seem to go together.
I love fashion and the finer things in life. I also love being barefoot, salty, somewhere remote with almost nothing. I love feeling soft and feminine, but I also love pushing my body and doing things that scare me. I love beautiful hotels and the kind of travel that strips away every comfort. I’m ambitious, but I also crave simplicity.
Sometimes those things feel like they shouldn’t all belong to the same person.
But they do.
There’s so much pressure to figure out what kind of person we are and then stay consistent with it. We find an aesthetic, a career, a lifestyle, a plan—and somewhere along the way those things can stop being things we enjoy and start becoming things we feel like we have to be.
“I’m this kind of person.”
“This is what I want.”
“This is where I’m going.”
And maybe at one point all of those things are completely true.
They just might not be true forever.
Something can be completely right for one version of life and make no sense in the next. Things that once felt important become less so. Things we never imagined wanting suddenly make sense.
Maybe growing isn’t always about becoming more certain of who we are.
Maybe sometimes it’s becoming less afraid of finding out.
And that brings me back to that original conversation.
Sometimes the wrong road teaches something that becomes important years later.
Sometimes a person who was only meant to be in one chapter changes something about all the chapters that follow.
Sometimes a job that was never meant to be a career teaches the exact skills needed for something that doesn’t even exist yet.
Sometimes something falling apart is the only reason another path ever becomes an option.
And sometimes the things that felt like they were taking us further away from where we were supposed to be were actually preparing us for it.
It’s strange how rarely we understand what a chapter was for while we’re actually living it.
Maybe that’s the point.
Maybe not everything has to make sense while it’s happening. Some things only make sense once enough life has happened after them.
And maybe the same goes for who we are becoming.
Maybe becoming yourself isn’t about narrowing down all the possibilities until you finally figure out exactly who you are. Maybe it’s leaving enough room to experience all the different versions of yourself that life has to offer.
The version who wears the beautiful dress to dinner and the one who hasn't worn shoes in three days.
The one who sleeps in a nice hotel and the one who sleeps on the floor because the adventure was worth it.
The one who is soft and feminine and the one who feels most alive testing her limits.
The one who has everything planned and the one who buys the ticket without knowing what happens next.
The one who builds the business and chases success and the one who disappears somewhere remote and realizes how little she actually needs.
The one who is completely certain about what she wants.
And the one who changes her mind.
I think I want to do and feel it all.
There will always be boxes to fit into. Some created by society, some by the people around us, and probably just as many created by ourselves.
But there are so many seasons to a life.
Seasons for ambition and seasons for slowing down. For falling in love, being alone, building something, leaving something, knowing exactly where you’re going and having absolutely no idea what comes next.
None of it has to cancel the other out.
You can be soft and feminine and still do badass things.
You can want success and still crave simplicity.
You can love beautiful things and still feel most alive with almost nothing.
You can know exactly what you want and still change your mind.
Maybe the things that seem like contradictions are only contradictions because we’ve decided they have to be.
It can all exist at once.
We spend so much time trying to figure out who we are, when maybe who we are was never supposed to be a finished thing.
And maybe the paths we take aren't supposed to be either.
Some will make sense immediately. Some might not make sense for years. Some might lead somewhere completely different than we expected.
But every version, every season, every wrong turn becomes part of what comes next.
Maybe fitting into one box was never the goal.
I want the beautiful dress and bare feet. The nice hotel and the place in the middle of nowhere. The certainty and the complete unknown.
I want to be surprised by what matters to me five years from now.
I want to be here for every season of it.
The world is too big, and life is too interesting, to spend it trying to be one thing.
I want to live it all.
